Excuse me, I'm off to snog Benvolio
by Frozen Samosas
Summary: A Somewhat snarky!Benvolio and a sliiiightly subdued!Mercutio get slashy (Whee! Alliteration!) while trying to find Romeo, who turns out to drunk and sanctimonious. Yay for Christmas in Verona. =p


Rating: PG for slash.. =p  
  
Disclaimer: Not mine. Never was. Never will be.. And, due to Romeo and Juliet's fame I'd have to be an even bigger idiot that Romeo to pretend it was mine!  
  
Pairing: Mercutio/Benvolio (who're already "together" before the story starts.)  
  
Author notes: Ummm.. This is a pretty odd story I wrote in the late hours of Christmas Eve/early hours of Christmas Day while under the influence of insomnia and damned hyper. =p I made no attempts at being serious.. It's just a silly, shippy ficlet.  
  
I attempted to write the dialogue quasi- Shakespearean, but I didn't do sonnets or anything. (I'm certainly not as eloquent as the actual play!) I tried to as best as I could, but. blah..  
  
Takes place on the Christmas day before the summer when everyone dies. =p  
  
For the love of God, don't flame me just because this is slash. You're free to dislike slash, but don't bug me about it.  
  
Dedication: To Willow.. My better half, and the Benvolio to my Mercutio. ^_^  
  
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It was Christmas day, the sun shone brightly, and yet it was ungodly cold in Verona.  
  
Throngs of Veronans had stirred from their houses and cheerfully made their way to church for the Christmas Mass. There was a merry air about the assembly and all seemed ready for the party later that night.  
  
Romeo Montague was nowhere to be found, and, in that respect, it was a typical day for his cousin.  
  
Benvolio had been searching through the crowd for what had seemed like an eternity (in reality it had probably been fifteen moments at the most) and the younger man was no where to be found.  
  
"Why? Why? Why?" Benvolio repeated, grumpily. He was not usually one for self-pity, but the steady mantra felt almost calming. "Why?!"  
  
"Ah, and what troubles Benvolio?" Asked an all too familiar voice from behind him. Benvolio wheeled around and saw Mercutio, who was looking at his most incorrigibly good-humored. And whether this was a good or ill omen was.. to be seen.  
  
Benvolio sighed, the weary sigh of the long-suffering. "Hast thou seen Romeo?" He asked, stepping slightly out of the way of the crowd so that the two wouldn't get trampled on.  
  
Mercutio, who did not have Benvolio's capacity for concern, threw his hands out in one of his usual grandiloquent gestures. "O, Romeo will surely set fire to the whole town if we fail to divine his every movement!" Though his words were mocking, as per usual, affectionate amusement was written all over his eyes. "Tell me, grand-sire, is it a trait of the Montague to worry unceasingly?"  
  
"'Tis my uncle's at the very least. Thou knowest that." Benvolio pointed out.  
  
"True." Mercutio breathed onto his hand, attempting to inspire life back into half-frozen veins. "An' how doth Romeo, the ape? Sighest he for his newest cruel maid, still?"  
  
"Yes," Benvolio affirmed, futilely combing the crowd for his wayward cousin. "He did the moment I spoke with him last. Of course, that moment was long ago, I confess."  
  
"Poor, poor Romeo," Mercutio said with saccharine mock-pity. "I wonder if he will turn into a true mad man, at last."  
  
"Why think you that?"  
  
"Knowest thou that 'love' turneth even the wisest of all into mere fools?"  
  
"Soft! It pains me to know thy opinion of love is so low," Benvolio replied with fake sadness. "I shall leave thee now, sir. Thou hast been of little help to me."  
  
He pretended that he was about to walk away, but Mercutio grabbed Benvolio's upper arm and proceeded to pull him into a darkened (and, hopefully, deserted) alley.  
  
"Love is only unfortunate if it is not returned." Mercutio informed Benvolio, making his own oblique comment on their relationship. And then, tact be damned, he kissed Benvolio as oblivious Verona passed them by.  
  
Benvolio was enjoying this sudden contact, before his wits returned to him again. He pulled back, "Wait, wait," he stammered, though on the verge of laughter, "can we be seen?" He peered around Mercutio. Though Verona was an infamously libertine place, it was doubtful that the average citizen would react overly well to two men kissing. Benvolio, not taking chances, led the way, further into the alley.  
  
"Still worrying, Montague?" Mercutio joked, drawing closer again. But Benvolio, now assured that no one could see them, interrupted any other words with a second kiss.  
  
After the two had spent a reasonable amount of time partaking in their own special kind of communion, they emerged only to find that the crowd had thinned appreciably.  
  
"Ah, we shall be late to the Mass," Mercutio said, "How. exciting."  
  
"Then, I suggest we... run?" Benvolio announced, doing just that, laughing as he did so. Mercutio followed suit, and the two collided in to Romeo who spilled onto the ground.  
  
"Where the devil hast thou been?" Romeo demanded of Benvolio, quickly stumbling to his feet. "And thou?" He added, catching sight of Mercutio. "Sinners! Thou will be late to the mass of our newborn savior! Repent, and rejoice in thy salvation!"  
  
Benvolio blinked, Mercutio snickered. "And thou art drunk." Benvolio observed in dismay.  
  
"Only on the happiness of this joyous holiday, coz!" Romeo exclaimed, doing a happy dance in the streets, momentarily forgetting his incompetence at that particular pastime. And ignoring the rather shocked stares of those still idling around in the streets.  
  
"No. Benvolio is right." Mercutio asserted with confidence.  
  
Romeo glared.  
  
"Yes, I know. Shocking is it not?" Mercutio added, and Benvolio also glared. (Though his heart wasn't completely in it.)  
  
"Ignorant sinner," Romeo shot back, "I ignore thee!" And he did.  
  
"Drunk before the Christmas mass," Benvolio thought out loud, "why, the fool Mercutio has accomplished this not!"  
  
"No, But knowest thou that I now plan to attempt this on Christmas next?" Mercutio asked, the genius of the idea clearly delighting him.  
  
"Of course thou wouldst!" Benvolio said, before turning his attention to the sky. "God, why dost thou torment me with such friends?" He yelled.  
  
Mercutio laughed, outright. "Think of it as a joy. Thou can rest easier that way."  
  
Romeo jumped in front of them, choosing to rejoin the conversation. "'Tis a wonderful day!" He announced.  
  
"Why, Romeo?" asked Mercutio. "Hast thou captured thy 'dear love?'  
  
"Mercutio, no. I have forsworn that kind of obsession. From this day until my death, I shall love wisely! I will not be love's dog, I-" In his happy ranting (and drunken state) he walked right into a girl who was also hurrying to church. The two apologized profusely and, in their haste, never met each others eyes. She hurried away.  
  
"That was a Capulet," Benvolio said, speaking to no one in particular.  
  
"Never mind that, I am free!" Romeo said.  
  
"Aye, until the next fair maid stealeth thine eye." Mercutio laughed.  
  
"Whatever the outcome, we know it not now." Benvolio quickly interjected, interfering to overthrow potential disaster. To the mutual relief of the three, they finally arrived at the church.  
  
"Marry! I must find my- our- family!" Romeo said to Benvolio, rushing through the open doors.  
  
Mercutio turned to Benvolio, "Good Benvolio, art thou prepared for several interminable hours of the thrice damned Latin?"  
  
Benvolio, not replying, calmly gave him his secretive smile before following his cousin. Mercutio stood outside for a few seconds, smiling his own enigmatic grin before joining the rest of Verona.  
  
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_Random thoughts_  
  
Snarky!Benovlio is fun to write.  
  
So is DrunkenSanctimonious!Romeo, actually  
  
And Mercutio is fun, too.. Though he's slightly subdued here. I guess it's because he's too busy plotting evilly, or something.  
  
That girl that Romeo ran into? Yeah, that was Juliet... I was feeling somewhat evil mood when I wrote this.  
  
Mercutio won't be able to get drunk for next Christmas mass... *sighs*  
  
I actually don't know WHY Benvolio is so snarky (sarcastic.) Hunh.  
  
Nothing like a strategically placed hidden alley, huh? ~_^  
  
I can't believe I wrote this... *Hides* 


End file.
